I am standing nearby the closed window (Rampant wind
is proving its existence) in a soliloquy mode, holding an empty mug which only
has spices and fragrance of tea left in it. I do not use social media or enjoy
calls with friends anymore. Before today, my mobile has never felt this much
ignorance that I am not touching it even after many missed calls and have not
responded to any notifications. This so called new age boy loves being at home,
feeling the presence of his parents with warmth and waiting for his sister to
tease and love him, first time since childhood. Quarantine made me started
thinking with a pause in life. I am trying to know ‘me’ in a real sense. This
new phase which is beneficial for setting sun is a gift from someone I met in
lockdown for the first time though I have seen and ignored thousand times
before. I would probably call her ‘My
Crush’.
It
was any day of the week (turned out to be the most special) and I was walking
on my Terries of ‘3 floors apartment’. My playlist had hard rock music, with a
view to prove that my taste is classy and I saw a lady who came with a dish and
glass of water along with a folding chair in another hand. She was 55-60 years
old and was working as a domestic helper and staying at my neighbor’s house and
I knew it. But, as I was so called modern I had to ignore her and did the same.
However she smiled looking at me with a sweet smile. I saw that she was having
pineapple pieces in her dish along with Rice and Daal. Though I was ignoring
her, but the calmness and enjoyment she was carrying attracted me towards her
existence. I left the Terries with her smile again and ignorance on my end.
However many a times I had to meet her and nothing changed between us, her smile,
her calmness, the way she enjoyed the food, my fake love for hard rock and
ignorance. Another thing which was same every day, pieces of pineapple in her
dish. That Pineapple pieces led me to break my silence and finally I had to ask
her “Why do you eat Pineapple daily and where are you getting it from in this
quarantine?” She replied amicably “I preserved it by making pickle of it”. It
was sudden and peaceful but also deep. I went back to my home, however, now
curiosity had started knocking me.
Next day when she came
with all her stuff I asked her that why she is still living over here and not
going back to her family and she replied after a sip of water (as if she was
drinking Russian wine) “I was living with my son same of your age and used to come
here for a work but then I came here forever. I asked again to get answer of
‘why’ “where is your husband or any other?” she said she lost her husband many
years ago; nobody else was there to stay with. I was not getting what she was
trying to say so I asked her bluntly “where is your son? What does he do?” she
smiled at me and said “he was of your age when I saw him for the last time and
he sometimes only talk to me and lives his own journey”. “Doesn’t he love you”
I asked. “Do you love your mother? Do you like to stay with family?” she in a
humble countered. I fall into a deep dive of thoughts and I was actually
searching an answer to the question I asked by someone I never noticed even. I
could not answer firmly but ended up saying “yes, I do”. “My boy was not same;
he used to find all his fun, enjoyment and life into all the other things. I
always told him to recognize and know life around the self first. But unlike
you, he never respected me or tried the way I suggested” I said to me “Bro, Is
she taunting you? I answered to me ‘yes’ for sure and ‘no’ for sympathy”
fortunately my mother called me and I left the courtyard like Terries.
I was developing another parallel quarantine within. Her
adore was attractive and so was her presence. It left an impact on my thought
process, though I was not accepting. I was, for the first time, in these many
years, thinking and finding the way to breach the artificial layers I had
created. Where is that liking for hard rock music actually? Where is that fake
modern culture in me? Where is that touch of social media boy? Where it all
gone? I was counting the Rotis my mother was making, I was observing Daddy’s
health, wanted to be best pastime for my elder sister. I wanted to hug my
mother, sister and father. I was portraying her as ‘Queen of Quarantine’ and
because of her, for the first time, I was looking in to me and fetching into my
people. I was burning in showers, I was crying on the Hindi Retro soothing
songs. These all came with her description about her son and yes I have been
the same to my people. Now, in these 3 days of ‘talking on Terries’ sessions, I
was more eager to meet lady with folding chair (not all ladies hold lamp).
Next day I reached on
Terries with an enthusiasm and curiosity as if there was a treasure. She came
in the same way, nothing changed including except the smile, this time it was
two way. She offered me food but I refused as my hunger was for another thing
and I asked her that how can she enjoy this much without any fun, any family and
any dreams? She laughed and said “ I do watch dreams and also fulfill it. I was
born in very poor family and since childhood I have seen children and family of
my father’s owner enjoying Pineapple and I used to cry a lot in front of father
to buy that yellow stars which is framed in attractive design – different from
all. We could not afford it but since I started earning on my own I used to buy
it and its still here in my dish. It was my dream to eat food the way they used
to have in garden, sitting under naked sky and see I am having it; I bought
this chair from salary to feel my dream alone. I have fun with myself, I sing,
I walk and I enjoy working. I have my family, living next to you. Before I ask
anything she added “see boy life would always be quarantine or cutting process
if you would not try to balance the life. Dreams must not breach the pillars
you are surrounded or gifted with even though they are big. Enjoying the moment
is a task, believing and loving the process is a task, cheering the efforts you
put and respecting the reality is a task and it does not need big house,
family, so much money and big circle of friends. It simply needs understanding
of task and playing your own role.
My curiosity for her
has now turned into an interest. I started feeling good without outer world and
with moments of quarantine phase. As per schedule I reached the Terries and
that day my hands and body on its own not only welcomed the lady teacher but
also helped her by setting chair and smiled at her. She again offered me food
and I picked the piece of her dream, her liking, the piece of uncompromised
strength; piece from Pineapple Pickle. It tasted not as Pineapple; it added
fragrance of confidence in me and woke natural element up within as well. We
talked lot many things in those days and I learnt to know that she had dreams
of small scale but her fulfillment was celebrated royally by herself. She kept
walking irrespective of the challenges life brought. She was Magna Carta of
needed knowledge; she was unaware of politics but knew family stratagems that
we all lack. She implied ‘laugh and let go’ that we also very often try to
imply, by attending the paid sessions of specialist but always get failure in
pocket. She was not a consultant but had easy solutions or at least could teach
to develop fortitude, amplitude and to abandon ancillary things in life on your
own. She actually preserved dream and not the Pineapple. She was philanthropist
without recourse as she feed animals nearby daily. Lady bought throne on her
own. Terries was Villa for her where she would have her princely dinner or
lunch. Her presence and way of looking towards life changed mine and asked me
aptly to be ‘real me’.
It had become schedule
for me now; I used to take my food on Terries to sit with the simply best. I
asked her that when again she will meet her son and she replied with a
different tone and expression for the first time and she said “He never valued
the life and then life did the same; His artificial life took the life I gave
him in my womb. I was anxious amid baffling thoughts. She left and I was
feeling her loss, her pain, her soul and her life. I learned many things and got to know how to
control and use open wings. I was trying to prove the ‘faith’ she showed, when
she believed that I was reasonable and considerate enough for my family, my
people, my surrounding nature and for my life. I don’t know why but I myself
being roaming worm, was feeling nice, vibrant and positive in quarantine as if
it was a fun trip with friends and started working on me to make me a better
version of me.
My mug with stains of
tea is still there in my hand. I am becoming someone I was seeking. The
quarantine blessed me with ‘Lilaben – my compassionate and deft crush who
introduced me an art of living’. “Shivu, open the window it’s not windy outside
anymore.” Wow! It’s so nice outside. Commotion inside me has now compromised
with me. It is cogent that “Life and people will only open the door or window
for you, if you are ‘air’, as soon as you become wind, the same life and people
will close the same door or window. Quarantine is ‘blessings in disguise’ for
me.
